Shopping in Germany: Nothing fits and I don’t know these brands

Lane Bryant is for plus sizes. Hollister is for teenagers. Old Navy is a cheaper version of The Gap, which is a cheaper version of Banana Republic. Victoria’s Secret is overpriced and their sizes are unrealistic and limited in range.

I never sat down and studied these brands consciously. These are associations made over time, by a combination of mere exposure, personal experience, and advertising. I can tell you which stores I shop at and which ones I don’t, or that my sizes run smaller at some of them compared to others as a result of vanity sizing. I had over twenty years to make these connections over time.

Then I moved to Germany.

I have no frame of reference for anything here, and in my third year, shopping is still a nightmare.

Nothing fits.

It’s somewhat common knowledge that many countries have different sizing systems. It’s also, at least theoretically, a fairly easy problem to solve. You look at a conversion chart and you find out which US sizes match with which UK sizes, for instance. Or you take measurements (preferably metric!) and figure out your size based on whatever a certain brand reports as its sizing patterns.

It is never actually that simple, though. Individual garments of the same style, from the same manufacturer, can vary slightly. Vanity sizing exists everywhere. Some stores do it more than others. And what if you’re on the edge between two sizes?

In addition, some countries set their sizes for different demographics. My very tall, very thin German husband couldn’t find a single pair of fitting pants in the US. I am short and thin and haven’t been able to find pants at many German stores. Yet in China, I was an extra large. When designers strive for averages—especially averages that vary from country to country—some non-average people will get left out, or end up in categories they don’t recognize.

And I don’t know these brands.

There is no Gap here, no VS, no New York and Company. I’m sure I could get similar clothes if I poked around long enough at a department store or online, but I don’t. I’m used to a radically different shopping experience: mall-sized land hogs where you can browse a large selection in relative anonymity, where individual stores pattern along different basic aesthetics and market sectors. In Germany, there are a lot of large department stores and a lot of intimidating little boutiques.

Well, that and H&M. (And Urban Outfitters and American Apparel, and those only because I live in a big city.) But I’m not going to shop there for everything I own just because I’ve heard of them before. In fact, I don’t actually like a lot of H&M stuff. Their bras were utter crap, I hate their styles in women’s jeans, and a lot of their clothes are so low-quality that they simply fall apart. It’s not exactly balanced in favor of professional wear, either, which is mostly what I need.

Just shop online, then.

Shopping online from German/European companies doesn’t solve the style, size, or branding problems. It also adds shipping and removes the ability to try things on, making returns an almost inevitable hassle. Zalando only fixes a few of these issues.

Ordering imports from US brands means even higher shipping costs, and German couriers are surprisingly unreliable for international packages. Customs will hold on to some items for weeks and then make you pay outrageous taxes. Sales tax alone is 19%, not counting import duties. Returns are as good as impossible, and again, they’re often necessary in light of the fact that you can’t try anything on in advance.

So what do you do?

Due to dietary and lifestyle changes that are also a direct result of my move to Germany, I’ve lost over 20 pounds since leaving the US. Despite many excursions into shops here, I haven’t bought a single article of clothing in the last year. I just haven’t been satisfied with anything I’ve tried on. I’ve been belting the crap out of floppy old pants—even putting new holes in old belts—and hoping I can hide holey shirts under less-holey layers. Nothing is as embarrassing as the puckering old bras with the underwire eating through its fabric casing and poking you in the sternum.

What I’m about to do is go on a shopping spree when I’m back in the US at Christmastime. I hate shopping—I am not going to browse; I am on a mission for specific items from specific places. But I look forward to the familiarity and the knowledge I’ll be paying way less than 19% in sales tax no matter where I go. I can’t wait to have stuff that fits, and as evidence that decades of marketing has done its job properly, I can’t wait to have the shopping experience I’m used to.

“Do I need to speak German in order to live in Germany?”: A legal perspective

In 2005, the German government passed new immigration regulations that require knowledge of German civics and the German language for the obtainment and renewal of certain kinds of visas. Knowledge of these two subjects can be gained during state-standardized (but often privately offered) Integrationskurse or “integration courses,” which end in two separate state exams. Not every migrant is required to take the course and the exams, but for those who must, the stakes are high. Repeated failure to pass the tests, or a refusal to participate, can lead to visa non-renewal and eventual deportation.

What are the language requirements?

The German government essentially copy-and-pasted the Common European Framework of Reference for Foreign Languages (CEFR) into its legislation. A1 language proficiency, the lowest level possible, is dubbed “einfache Sprachkentnisse” (simple proficiency) by the German government. A2 is considered “hinreichend” (sufficient), and B1 is “ausreichend” (adequate), the threshold for indefinite visa renewal and/or naturalization. Proficiency beyond B1 is considered Beherrschen der deutschen Sprache (mastery of the German language) and a besondere Integrationsleistung (special integration achievement) leading to reduced waiting times for citizenship applications.

In my personal and professional opinion as an immigrant and a language teacher, these expectations are low. B1 proficiency will enable a person to hold basic conversations, such as placing orders, describing families and hobbies, giving and asking for directions, and describing basic health issues. It also allows learners to understand simplified news articles or the “gist” of more advanced texts. It doesn’t prepare learners for job interviews or client/colleague interaction in a white-collar, German-speaking workplace. It doesn’t provide for the depth and nuance needed to understand and debate issues relevant to voting and political participation. And from personal experience, I can attest to the fact that it is not enough, in many cases, to foster deep personal relationships with monolingual Germans.

My judgments here, however, are profoundly influenced by my privileges and personal expectations. I am used to Western education and society, Germanic languages, middle-class aspirations, and the Roman alphabet. If I had come to Germany with, say, a fifth-grade education in a country that uses some other writing system, I’d absolutely face different learning challenges. I don’t believe that people in such a position should be forbidden to live in Germany, especially when questions of asylum and family unification come into play. So, in my view, the government set a standard that is easily attainable for some and perhaps more challenging than others. This is a basic expectation rather than a crowning achievement.

Who must take the integration classes?

Most non-EU migrants are, at least theoretically, required to learn some degree of German in order to live here, if not at first, then by the time of visa renewal, usually within one to three years. Au Pairs with no prior knowledge of German, for example, are often required to learn German alongside their childcare duties for this reason, though this does not need to be in a state integration class.

Language ability particularly relevant for spouses of German citizens or permanent residents who wish to move to Germany for family unification purposes: in most cases, they are expected to reach A1 level German before arriving in Germany. Again, to me, A1 language proficiency is not challenging. For many, it’s achievable within months or even mere weeks of sustained practice. But “many” is not everyone. Illiterate people, uneducated people, and poor or rural people without access to German language education may see the A1 language requirement as a tremendous hurdle, and laws that prevent family unification may indeed be unconstitutional under German and EU law.

Exempted from the integration courses are migrants with a “discernably minimal integration need,” a threshold often met by holding a college degree in any language, specialized training, and/or B1+ knowledge of German at the time of arrival.

Also exempted are migrants from within the European Union who do not depend on social benefits as well ethnic German repatriates (Spätaussiedler), who may nevertheless participate in the courses if they wish.

Language requirements for students and academics vary by academic program and the individual applicant’s specific role.

What about that German civics test?

The “Leben in Deutschland” (“Life in Germany”) exam is the same exam that is taken when applying for citizenship. It is a multiple choice exam covering the basics of German history, culture, and law. It is only offered in the German language. There is a test bank of about 300 questions, which the Federal Ministry of Migration and Refugees makes freely available online. Questions can be as simple as “What is a typical German Christmas tradition?” or as complex as “Which German states were part of the former German Democratic Republic?” or “Which authorities oversee the registry of dog ownership?” Test takers receive a sampling of 33 questions on test day, of which 15 must be answered correctly for the culmination of the integration course and 17 must be answered correctly for naturalization purposes.

92% of test takers pass the exam on the first try, compared to about 56% for the B1 language exam. This is probably due to the test’s focus on passive recognition of relevant words, its lack of critical or expressive language production tasks, the free availability of the entire question bank online, and the ability of test takers to guess correct answers thanks to the test’s multiple choice format.

Where can I find out more?

In 2013, a documentary about integration courses in Berlin was produced, entitled Werden Sie Deutscher (Become a German). The film follows the experiences of a small handful of migrants from diverse backgrounds as they attend their integration course, prepare for the language exam, and (re)apply for residence permits at the immigration office. The film is at times humorous and at times heartbreaking. It’s definitely worth a look, especially for native Germans who may have no idea what struggles immigrants actually face in order to be able to live in this country.

My one problem with the film is that it does almost nothing to cover the German civics coursework and test. I suspect that this was a stylistic decision on the part of the filmmakers, since language courses are often funnier than watching people memorize flashcards of political definitions. However, inquiring minds can find the entire Leben in Deutschland test bank online, as mentioned. The Süddeutsche Zeitung actually has an interactive website devoted to the test, where visitors can compare Germany’s test to the naturalization tests of other countries and see which questions are most frequently answered incorrectly.

Compared to countries such as the UK and the US, Germany’s immigration laws are fairly generous. Nevertheless, Germany currently has lower immigration rate than the US, the UK, France, and several other EU countries. Nativists who fear that immigrants are taking over the country simply do not have the facts on their side. Nor do most of them seem to understand what exactly immigrants must go through to live here legally. There are many requirements, of which language and civics tests only cover a fraction. For many people, these requirements are difficult to meet. But hundreds of thousands have participated in state integration courses annually since their inception ten years ago, showing a deep desire to respect Germany’s laws and become full members of society.

The Best German Textbooks: 6 Tried and True Classics

For the past two weeks, readers may have noticed that there haven’t been updates to American Ausländer. Part of this is because I’ve just started grad school, and the transition into working student life has me swamped. The other part of it is that I’ve been blogging elsewhere.

To make up for my absence, I’d like to direct readers to my posts over at FluentU’s great blog for German language learners, starting with this post about some of the books that helped me learn German over the years before I moved to Berlin. Does this count as a guest post if you wrote it myself? Who knows. Read on.

Let’s face it. Learning a language on your own is tough. How do you know where to begin? Where can you find learning material? How can you test yourself? Where do you get explanations for concepts you don’t understand?

Clearly, there’s a lot that can go wrong when learning German. This is where a good textbook can save you.

Why to Use German Textbooks

Textbooks aren’t written by any old dummy. They’re written by the pros: highly educated native speakers and experienced teachers. The entire job of the authors is to help you become fluent, and they know the best methods and exercises to help you learn.

This is one area where classroom learning has the advantage. Students are guided by a (hopefully) skilled teacher, using (hopefully) high-quality materials. But even if you’re self-studying, you can get many of the same benefits out of a good textbook.

Even if you’re already touring through Germany with a “learn by osmosis” attitude towards the language, you’ll benefit from the guidance of an expert-designed curriculum.

How to Choose Which German Textbook is Right for You

There are hundreds of German language textbooks out there. A single publishing company may have dozens and dozens of titles. It can be overwhelming. Which one is right for you?

First, think of your level. Are you a beginner (A1-A2), intermediate (B1-B2) or more advanced (C1-C2)? It does you no good to have an advanced textbook if you’re still learning the difference between nominative and accusative. It doesn’t help to have a beginner’s book if you’re nearly fluent, either.

Next, think of your goal. Why are you learning German? Do you want to be able to hold a general conversation? Are you studying German for a specific purpose, perhaps for university studies or travel? Are you just working on your grammar? Each textbook has a slightly different focus.

Lastly, think of your age. There are books for kids and there are books for older learners. You can learn equally well from each one, but you might feel a little silly while doing so.

Read the full post at FluentU to see my list of 6 well-known German textbooks.